Johanna Lyn U. Gatdula INTFILO
AB ISA March 21, 2016
At Second Glance
As people who were and has always been immersed and trained in an environment that always seems to be running out of time, we are inclined to ignore a great amount of our surroundings on an everyday basis in an attempt to get by. In this process, we manage to neglect and overlook some of the most important components of our being, whether we believe and admit it or not, both material and not. Have you ever questioned how we can look at things and not really see them? Hear sounds but not really listen? Touch things but not really feel them? Eat food but not really taste them? And smell scents but not really experience them?
I have lived with my family for all my life. I have also lived in the city for all my life. Given this, I am extremely used to having people around, seeing lights, hearing nonsensical sounds and even in the moments when I was finally alone, I was still never really alone. A couple of months ago, I decided to rent and stay in a condo near the university for the sake of convenience, and this time, I am living alone. The first few nights weren’t too bad; I was actually kind of excited. Then a couple of weeks passed and I suddenly started to feel in full blast what was slowly creeping in, in the past couple of weeks that I was actually truly on my own. Suddenly I started to physically feel silence, especially on those late cold nights.
Fully aware of the slithering sadness that started to embrace me every time I would go back to my condo as silence greets me, I began being hyperaware of the little sounds and lights that were actually present every night as I lay in bed. All of a sudden, the sound of the blowing wind and the hazy lights that I began listening to and staring at, became the highlight of my day. When put into perspective, these are things that has always been present in my lifetime, there was never a day in my entire existence when the wind didn’t blow and the night didn’t have hazy lights pierce through it’s darkness, but it was in those moments and only in those moments, was I able to actually see them, hear them and feel them.
It was comparable to a love affair, where leading lady hit a turning point in the story in which she suddenly began to look at her best friend in a different light. Precipitously, the guy who has always been there and she has known from the day that they were born, the guy who would listen to her rants, stories and heartbreak, the guy who would fetch her coffee on her worst days, the guy who would offer a shoulder to cry on, this guy is now the leading man of her story.
My relationship with the blowing wind and the hazy lights was like a story of falling in love with a childhood best friend. I have always known of them, I have heard of them and I have looked at them but it was only at second glance, in moments that I had nothing else to occupy my mind and hog my attention, was I able to actually know, listen and see. To see means to appreciate, to recognize and to experience, like what had happened to me and my blowing wind and hazy night-lights.
The Belligerent Pacifist 